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Always Connected- Aftermath- Chapter 1

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Rainbow Dash pulled Applejack closer, savouring her marefriend as they shared their first real kiss. She let Applejack's warmth console her, still distraught over recent events. Applejack pulled away, her green eyes looking deep into Rainbow's and smiled.
"How does it compare to the dream?" asked Applejack and Rainbow giggled.
"I don't want to ever stop." Said Rainbow, smiling wide. She kissed Applejack again, softer this time, not ever wanting the moment to end. Rainbow jumped as a flash of light appeared behind Applejack. She flipped her over, trying to protect Applejack, as the light dimmed, leaving a pony covered by a white and red hood and cloak.
"Who…Who are you?" asked Rainbow, frightened of the stranger. The stranger made her way over to the two frightened ponies. She lowered her hood, revealing a very familiar purple unicorn.

"Twilight? Is that you?" asked Applejack, unsure if it truly was their friend or not. She looked similar, but the differences were astounding. Her mane was cut short, just under her ears and her eye, Rainbow couldn't take her eyes of Twilight's eye, now black as Luna's night and with a white iris. Rainbow noticed that she looked older as well.
"Yes Applejack and it is so good to see you both." Said Twilight, pulling both ponies in for a tight embrace. Rainbow relaxed slightly when she heard Twilight's voice, knowing her friend anywhere. But she couldn't get over Twilight's appearance.
"So I'm guessing that you've had a rough two days sugarcube." Said Applejack, and Twilight released them, taking a step back and looking at the floor.
"Uh… Actually Aj, it's been more like a rough year and a half." Said Twilight, and both Rainbow and Applejack paled.
"A year and a half." Said Applejack slowly, trying to make certain of what Twilight had said.
"What happened to the spell only lasting for two days?" said Applejack, the annoyance in her voice was unmistakable. Rainbow looked at the two ponies, having no clue as to what was going on.
"What are you talking about? The last thing I remember was being attacked, seeing you as a Pegasus and then some huge fight and then I woke up." Said Rainbow, frustrated. Twilight looked at her in confusion and Applejack hugged her.

"I think we both have some catching up to do." Said Twilight. But not here, I think everypony wants to see you two." She jumped onto the bed, putting her hoof on Rainbow's and Applejack's shoulder. Twilight's horn glowed and with a pained look on her face, the ponies were teleported in a flash of white light. Rainbow suddenly found herself in a tent, the canvas walls moving in the breeze. She looked around, noting the simple set up of beds and furniture. She looked back to Twilight, who was getting her breath back.
"I haven't teleported anypony other than myself in months." She explained, as Applejack helped her over to a bed and sat her down.
"Twilight, I need to know what is going on." Said Rainbow forcefully, and Twilight called out. Other ponies started to walk into the tent and Rainbow was overjoyed to see Rarity, Fluttershy and Big Mac. Applejack leapt on her brother, hugging him tightly. She let go, turning Big Mac and Rainbow's eyes went wide as she looked at a long, thin scar that ran from his shoulder along his body and through his cutie mark.

"Big Mac! What in the hay happened to you?!" Applejack exclaimed, and Big Mac put his hoof on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.
"Now AJ, don't worry, we thought it best if you saw some friendly faces before we told you what has been happening in your absence." Said Big Mac as Applejack started to hyperventilate. Rainbow turned as more ponies entered the tent. She was tackled by Pinkie as the pink earth pony shot in the door, hugging her tightly. Rainbow let out a scream of pain as her broken wing hit the ground. She quivered on the ground, before she was lifted up and placed on a bed by the last pony Rainbow expected to see; Princess Luna.
"Are you okay Rainbow Dash?" asked Luna and Rainbow could only nod in response. A brown stallion walked up to her and hugged her.
"Uh… Who are you?" she asked. The stallion let go and smiled awkwardly.
"Oh right, I'm sorry, I got excited. I'm the Doctor and this is my assistant-" he started, before being interrupted by Rainbow as she recognised a grey Pegasus that was following the Doctor.
"Derpy?" said Rainbow, surprised to see her, and even more surprised to see a foal curled up in a pouch at her side. Derpy walked up and hugged Rainbow.
"Hello Rainbow, did you have a nice sleep?" she asked, and Rainbow looked at Applejack, who looked just as bewildered.

"Twilight, you have thirty seconds to explain what is happening before I start bucking some faces." Said Applejack, fear and confusion in her voice. Twilight stood, taking a deep breath, before looking at Luna, who nodded. Twilight told them everything, about the war that had started in their sleep, the time lock spell that had kept them asleep for so long and some horrible news about Celestia. Applejack had walked over and lay down next to Rainbow as Twilight talked and when she finished, the two ponies said nothing. Rainbow looked at the others in the room, and then back at Applejack, hoping that it was some kind of cruel joke, but no punch line came.

"What about these two?" asked Rainbow finally, gesturing at the Doctor and Derpy. Twilight, smiled awkwardly.
"Yeah, well that's the thing. We needed some commanders and Celestia wanted to use the elements of harmony as such and since you two were out of commission, well…" Twilight said, and Rainbow narrowed her eyes, angry.
"You replaced us!" she said, staring daggers at the new elements. "Was it just that easy?" Twilight shook her head.
"No, we only did what we had to at the time. We had no idea when or if you would wake up. What would you have had us do?"  Said Twilight and Rainbow relented, knowing that she had no argument. Applejack put an arm around Rainbow, and she knew that Applejack was struggling to deal with the news as much as she was. Tears formed in Rainbow's eyes, and she let them go, all of the pent up emotions the day had brought, all of the guilt.
"It's all my fault." She cried, and Luna was the first to console her.
"No Rainbow, it was never your fault, the fault lies with the filthy griffin that attacked you. It is her fault all of this misery had befallen us, never think it was you." She said, and Rainbow looked at her, at the pain in her eyes, and she couldn't believe her.

"Please, I just need to be alone." Said Rainbow, and the ponies nodded, slowly making their way out of the tent. Applejack got up to go as well but Rainbow grabbed her.
"Not you, never you." She told her, and Applejack lay back down with Rainbow.
"So much has changed AJ, and it all started because of me." Cried Rainbow. "How am I meant to deal with that?" Applejack sighed;
"The same way I am going to sugarcube. I don't plan to blame myself; I plan to blame the griffin responsible. I plan on spending time with my friends, knowing that they have defended our honour, and that of Equestria. And I plan on staying by your side the whole time." Applejack told her. Rainbow looked into her eyes, the same eyes she had woken up to that morning, free from the prison of her own making. Rainbow wiped the tears away, and then kissed Applejack, who kissed back harder, running her hoof through Rainbow's mane in anxiousness.

"Thank you." Said Rainbow as she pulled away and Applejack nodded. Rainbow got off the bed, and made her way outside, her friends had stood outside the door waiting for her. She smiled at them and apologised.
"Is there anything else we missed?" asked Applejack, standing beside Rainbow. The group all looked to Rarity and Fluttershy, both of which held out their left hooves and showed the girls the gold ring that sat on them. Rainbow's jaw dropped, as Fluttershy kissed Big Mac and Rarity introduced a dark green stallion named Black Diamond.
"I actually meant anything horrible, cause I think I'm geared up for it now." Said Rainbow and Applejack nodded, feeling the same.
"We figured as much, but we decided to give you a rest for now and focus on the positives." Said Rarity.  Rainbow smiled, happy that her friends understood how hard it was for her to see them as they were. Rainbow turned to Derpy and the Doctor and smiled.
"I'm sorry I was rude before, I... I'm just a bit shocked that's all." Said Rainbow. Derpy smiled back.
"It's okay Rainbow, I understand, would you like to meet our daughter?" she asked, and Rainbow greeted the tiny unicorn, shooting a quick look at Applejack. The evening went on like that, looking at the positives, celebrating Rainbow's and Applejack's awakening, but Rainbow vowed to find out about every single month that she had been asleep.

Rainbow awoke the next morning in Applejack's arms, and just lay there for a while, enjoying the warmth, until Applejack was shocked awake by the sound of a trumpet. Applejack threw Rainbow off the bed.
"Wha… What's going on?" Applejack asked, stumbling around half asleep. Fluttershy helped Rainbow off the ground;
"Oh it's nothing really, the Minotaur are charging at us." Fluttershy said calmly. "Would you like to see? I have a great view of everything." Applejack and Rainbow looked at each other, the idea of charging Minotaur was not something they would normally keep calm about. They nodded tentatively, following Fluttershy out of the tent and across the camp of bustling ponies to a wooded structure Fluttershy referred to as 'Archer's stage. Rainbow struggled to climb it, wishing that she could just fly up, but the bones in her left wing were still shattered. Applejack helped her up the last step. Rainbow looked out over the vast battlefield, and was amazed to see that it looked like red water. Fluttershy explained that is was actually a new species of poppy that had grown on the battlefield. But Rainbow couldn't shake the image of a sea of blood from her mind. She looked past the flowers to the cloud of dust making its way toward them. Fluttershy picked up a bow, blowing some of her very short mane out of her eyes.

"Now this is my job in the war." She said happily, as she pulled an arrow from a quiver and slotted it into the bow. Rainbow noticed the change in Fluttershy immediately, as if she was more comfortable, more assertive when she was holding the bow. Fluttershy let loose, and Rainbow watched the arrow glide through the air and disappear into the cloud of dust. Fluttershy turned and smiled. Rainbow exhaled the breath she had been holding.
"That's awesome Fluttershy, you really have some talent there." Said Rainbow, feeling more than a bit of fear at the yellow Pegasus. "I think we might go exploring, okay?" Fluttershy nodded, pulling another arrow out of her quiver. Rainbow needed Applejack's help to climb off the platform, whispering into her ear when they reached the ground;
"I can't believe what all this has done to her." And Applejack agreed. Rainbow moved closer to her marefriend, feeling the need for her support. No matter how anypony rationalised it, Rainbow still felt like it was her fault, that the grave yard she could see was her doing, and it ate her up inside.
"Applejack, I… I need to set things right. No matter what it takes, I am going to put an end to this war and save our friends." She vowed dramatically. Applejack kissed her and said;
"I will be right beside you all the way sugarcube."
Rainbow Dash and Applejack awaken to a world where everypony they know has changed, and Rainbow blames herself.

:iconfluttershyyayplz: The first chapter of 'Always connected- Aftermath. I thank you all for being so patient and i hope that this lives up to your expectations.
© 2012 - 2024 The-rogue-shadow
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Tenrahsoj's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

Well, I just read the first bit of another of your stories, and I'm noticing a lot of the same strengths and weaknesses. The difference between that one (Dusk Rises) and this one is that the other had enough action to make up for the lack of details. I expect some things to be brushed over when the characters are chasing each other through the streets, but with a calm start like this, you really do need to slow down and describe things.

The biggest problem, in my opinion, is that the characters lack development. Most of what they do and say is just exposition, and I can't get a good sense of who they are as people (ponies?). I understand that Dash and AJ have a whole lot to catch up on, but a little more emotion, especially from Twi at the beginning, would go a long way here.

Also, Big Mac's dialogue didn't really match his character, at least the character we know from the show. I can accept that war and whatnot has changed him (actually, I'd be surprised if it didn't,) but that change needs to be explained, or at least noticed by the ponies who have been absent the whole time.

On a formatting note, you should probably make your paragraphs a little clearer. I know formatting on DA is a nightmare, but adding an extra line between paragraphs will break up the monotonous wall of text and make it easier to read. I usually do one line between paragraphs and three between scene breaks, but anything will help make your story a little clearer.

So, yeah. Hope you find this helpful.